Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for deals. I LOVE to save money. But brave Black Friday as a mom? NOPE. This is one day you won’t see me pushing my way through the crowds. So here’s a list of things I’d rather do than get up at the crack of dawn, drive to the local Walmart/Target/Best Buy and wait in line for doors to open and chaos to ensue…
1. Read Goodnight Moon 45 times in a row.
2. Listen to kid songs every time I get in my car. For the rest of my life.
3. Scrub skid marks out of my kids’ undies.
4. Sit in traffic on 290 / 90 / 59 / [insert your least favorite Houston highway].
5. See previous … with a broken air conditioner.
6. Give up wine.
7. Step in a fire ant mound.
8. Have a fire alarm go off every night in the middle of the night.
9. Play fairies with my preschooler ALL DAY.
10. Get a paper cut every time I read to my kid.
11. Have morning sickness until my kids turn 18.
12. Lactate every time a baby cries until my kids are in middle school.
13. Have to listen to my kids ask “are we there yet?” every 2 minutes on a family road trip.
14. Never be able to fully clean up all the Cheerios in my car.
15. Have it rain for every t-ball or soccer practice I ever have to take my kids.
16. Miss Chick-fil-A breakfast by 3 minutes.
17. Drink burnt coffee every morning.
18. Step in cat / dog / pet throw up when I get out of bed.
19. Clean the toilet. With a toothbrush.
20. Deal with a diaper blow out every day.
21. Have a fibroid removed.
22. Get a root canal.
23. Wax my chin hairs / mustache.
24. Help my kids with homework, I myself have no idea how to do.
25. Have a hangover from drinking like your pre-parenting days.
26. See my own faults and flaws mirrored back at me by my toddler.
27. Fold a month’s worth of laundry.
28. Have a hemorrhoid flare.
29. Give birth without any pain medication.
30. Go to an entire days worth of kids’ parties.
31. Return something to Walmart.
32. Get my drivers license renewed.
33. Call Comcast customer service.
34. Be in line at the grocery store behind an extreme couponer.
35. Have a gynecological examine.
36. Go bathing suit shopping.
37. Run through a field of Legos barefoot.
38. Be a victim of identity theft.
39. Strain my 2 year old’s poop out of the bathtub.
40. Watch a Caillou marathon.
41. Have a colonoscopy.
42. Clean the oven.
43. Wash the windows.
44. Attend a day-long departmental meeting.
45. Potty train a toddler.
46. Fight through the drop-off / pick-up zone at my kid’s school.
In all seriousness, this year consider saying no to consumerism. This year, rather than standing outside Target at 5 am with your latte on Black Friday, just say no. Instead of digging through bargain bins, turn inward. Instead of buying presents, give the gift of presence!