“You love coffee and trash more than me.” Those words ACTUALLY came out of my mouth to my husband. There are days when the love of coffee is strong within us … you could say, life sustaining … but to love coffee and trash more than me, I can honestly say I have great confidence I trump those two things in my husband’s life!
I know that seems like a strange way to begin a personal account about infertility, but that is one of those times that come to mind when we remember our journey. We can snicker about it now, but at the time we were drained – mentally, physically, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. I had hit rock bottom of hysteria.
Mentally, physically, and financially, we have the same story as most … Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome = doctor’s appointments at the most inconvenient times, needles and more needles, prescriptions, plans, charts, and treatment schedules. And the bills … with only minimal insurance coverage … seemed to be never ending. Being infertile was a full-time job, and yet we both needed our full-time jobs to pay for the treatment.
Emotionally and spiritually we were also spent … Thus, the comment about coffee and trash when really all my husband was doing was trying to help with his regular household chores. The ups and downs – heightened by the medications – were overwhelming and overshadowed our norm.
Shortly after this temporary break in sanity, I got a negative test result. As was common, I cried. It was the kind of cry that touched my soul. In those times, I prayed that God would take away my desire to have children or show me the path I should be on to become a mother, if this was not it. But, I was filled with hope after those prayers. I knew we were on the right path, but God put in my heart to ask my pastor to pray with us for this next round of treatment. I’m not saying my pastor’s prayers were like a fairy godfather’s pixie dust that transformed our situation, but I do believe that reaching out to him at the leading of God’s spirit was a step of faithfulness that nourished my very tired spirit.
In the next few weeks, we went through the same process … shots, tests, scans … all of it. I remember I had a Junior League meeting right after my doctor’s appointment. I cannot tell you a word of what I learned in Spanish class, but I remember the overwhelming feeling of just knowing … somehow I knew this one would work. Although, I was practical {or maybe a cynical is a better term} enough to understand I needed to protect myself from an even greater disappointment. But then, there it was a couple of weeks later — the faintest line you ever saw. It was the miracle I prayed for time and time again.
By most accounts, I had a “normal” pregnancy. On the plus side, I never felt nauseous, and I got all the ice cream “the baby” ever wanted. But, infertility scars you … you didn’t get pregnant without fanfare, so you can’t buy into pregnancy not being the same circus. So, when the lady paying more attention to her phone call than driving rear-ended my car at a stoplight, I immediately believed the worst. We got over that hurdle, and I continued to read the books and check off milestones. The first trimester … over! Deep breath! Then, you encounter one of THOSE people … like when you tell people you are getting your wisdom teeth taken out, and they tell you their horror story. You are finally able to tell an acquaintance your good news and they share about that one person they know that the bad thing you were stressed about happened to after they thought they could stop worrying. Sigh!
Toward the end of my pregnancy, my daughter just didn’t move as much as she should have. So, I was in the doctor’s office almost weekly having sonograms. Each time I saw those sweet, full lips that I longed to give a little kiss to, it made it all feel so real, and I allowed peace to be more present. Then, on July 16th, I had a sonogram and a stress test. They hooked me up to the machines and shortly thereafter disconnected me because I was in labor. She was three weeks early, and my husband, a new principal, was interviewing candidates for teaching positions.
Nineteen hours later, we welcomed Caroline into the world. Perfect in every sense of the word at 6 lbs and 15 oz. She has rocked our world each day in the 10 years that have followed. I read once, that when you have a child, your heart walks around outside your body. Truer words have not ever been written.
Coffee has remained a staple in our lives, and now, Caroline helps to take out the trash.
In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, we are dedicated to raising awareness and educating our community about the varying types of infertility and the many options available. Our hope is that this series will open your eyes and inspire you in a really dynamic way, so please join us as real local moms open up and share their stories all throughout the week. To read more, please click here.
We are also incredibly grateful to have The Axelrad Clinic title sponsoring this entire Infertility Awareness series. If you’re interested in finding out more about their natural approach to infertility, get started here or contact them at one of their Houston area locations below…
The Axelrad Clinic
713.527.9555
Houston Office ::
19 Briar Hollow Lane, Suite 240, Houston, TX 77027
Woodlands Office ::
4840 W. Panther Creek, Suite 208, The Woodlands, TX 77381
Katy Office ::
Coming soon!
About Candace D.
Born and raised in Houston, Candace cannot imagine living anywhere else. She resides in Meyerland with her husband, Keith – a New Englander, and their daughter, Caroline {July 2004}. Candace works full-time at Houston Baptist University – her alma mater – and is the Director of Events, where her office scheduled and guided the logistics for more than 13,000 events this past academic year. In her free-time, Candace enjoys volunteering, hosting parties in her home, and travelling with her family. While on a Disney trip recently, they experienced the “magic” like only Disney can provide … an upgrade to the Presidential Suite … a once in a lifetime experience! Next up is an East Coast tour!
