Exploring Enneagram:: Coming to Terms with My SIXuality

This year, our Houston Moms writers will be giving you first-hand accounts of life behind their Enneagram type. For an introduction to the Enneagram, see this post, and then read on as Joi shares her experience of living as an Enneagram SIX.

Enneagrams. I’m a SIX. I don’t say that with pride or enthusiasm. Real talk… no one really wants to be the anxiety ridden, insecure, needy type. Geez. I wanted to be in the strong sexy {draws the word ‘sexy’ out in whiny voice} group. But alas… I am amongst the tribe of individuals preparing for the end of the world – and hoping I have two or three friends who like me enough to attend the event with me. There it is… Enneagram SIX in a nutshell.

I’d never heard of the enneagram until a group of fancy brawds with all the best words held a weekend retreat. One of the retreat sessions would cover this personality typing system and require me to self assess and determine my type. So before I knew I was a Type SIX – and in true SIX fashion – I began scouring the internet for ALL the tests. Because one has to be certain – and because perhaps the first seventeen enneagram assessments didn’t peg me correctly. Skeptic… it is one of the words often used to define us. The SIX.

So… after a few short sporadic shallow deep dives, I am convinced I am indeed a SIX. That crap hit deep in my soul. Like an anvil on the coyote. Lindsay and Elizabeth said that’s how you know. When you read a type and you are so thoroughly horrified by it – there – goes you.

SIXamples – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Exploring Enneagram:: Coming to Terms with My SIXualitySo that you get… us, here are a few things that are extremely 6ish in nature.

  • Performs advance dry runs and recognizance missions of parking lots, buildings and travel routes prior to official use.
  • Consults with 10-12 trusted sources before changing detergent brands.
  • Half way through a movie – performs google search to find out what happens in the movie to decrease anxiety about what is happening in the movie.
  • Sets SIX different wake up alarms between 5:55 am and 6:30 am Monday-Friday.
  • Maintains zombie apocalypse kit. You just never know.

In case you were not able to deduce, SIXers – live in the land of fear and frights. Our actions are driven by our fears and need for security and safety. Risk is profane.

Worst cases scenarios are our specialty. We can’t help it; our brains are overly adept at generating unpleasant possibilities. This internal cray manifests itself in… external cray. (Revisit bullet points above for examples.) These external cray actions – ridiculous as they may seem – are an attempt at exercising control and avoiding unpleasant situations.

Making decisions can be grueling. I realized how deeply this runs when I spent several sleepless nights debating the pros and cons of orange slices vs apple slices for a group of five year olds during our Fun Fair Positive Soccer snack week. 

The tiny/booming voice in my head constantly questions my decisions, options, competence and performance. She is savage and makes sure my level of comfort with all things is minimal at best.


But, contrary to what I may have led you to believe, SIXes are not always doom and gloom. There are a few good things.

For starters, SIX lore says that we are the friend everyone wants and needs. SIX lore also says that we make great friends and are exceptionally loyal to our friends because we are afraid to be alone and don’t want our friends to leave us. *side eye* Just weak. Don’t get me wrong though; I am needy. I like knowing my peeps are close by…in case I have an anxiety attack. Or in case zombies attack. But. I don’t bribe my friends. That’s just weird. My relationships are more about reciprocity. Taking care of people who take care of me… that runs deep for me. I will fight you for my people. It is an obligation and a joy.

Responsible. Hard-working. Compassionate. Loyal. Organized. Engaging. Caring. Practical. Supportive. Reliable. These are nice words. Nothing sexy- straight friend zone material. I am really working on loving these attributes as legitimately qualifying positive concepts. I am not there yet. I find our positive qualities relatively mundane descriptors that seemingly fit many of the types. But I am happy to note these qualities typically combine in a way that ensures we are reasonably charming individuals. When we aren’t freaking out or planning for the end of the world.


Type 6 Wing 7 here. In short, your girl is 6 with some 7 tendencies. They call us the Buddy. *Rolls Eyes* (Because yet another not so sexy SIX term.) So… people scare me – and I love being around people. I’m an extroverted – introvert. I can be spontaneous – as long as I get a little bit of notice. I have a great sense of humor – and my favorite person to make fun of is – me. On my brave days, I might be willing to take a small baby risk. Just contradictions.

SIX Love/Hate

Exploring Enneagram:: Coming to Terms with My SIXualityLast week, I told a fellow SIX that the first line in this blog would be – I haaaaate being a SIX. I passed, but I came close. Our negatives are so much more easily identified than the positives. They are so much more pronounced; it feels like everyone can see the negatives, while the positives are much less obvious. For me, there is satisfaction in knowing – even if I don’t like it.

But here is where I’ve found the awareness that comes from studying the enneagram most useful. When I’m leading with the unhealthy or negative qualities of the SIX, I recognize her and her irrational thoughts and actions much more easily. And I can usually talk her off the ledge and back into the deep, dark crevices of my mind. Extremely valuable. Embracing the good stuff… well, I’m a work in progress. Me and my SIXuality… still working on our relationship.

SIX Summation

Just to round it all out and give you a more complete picture of SIX, here are some familiar pop culture characters to consider.

SIXes You May Know

Dre Johnson (Blackish)

Ron Weasley (Harry Potter)

Chandler Bing (Friends)

Natasha Romanoff (Avengers)

Joyce Byers (Stranger Things)

Dwight Schrute (The Office)

Bilbo Baggins (The Hobbit)

Logan/Wolverine (X-Men)

Penelope Garcia (Criminal Minds)

Bella Swan (Twilight)

Jack Sheridan (Virgin River)

My Boo, the Duke of Hastings (Bridgerton) *Long Sweet Sigh*

And What About You?

For those of you wishing to take the plunge, here is my favorite fee free enneagram assessment. Feeling non-SIXish and brave? Comment and let us know where you fall on the enneagram spectrum.




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Joi was born and raised in San Antonio. After a brief pit stop at the University of Texas in Austin, Joi moved to Houston in 1994 and began checking boxes off her never ending to do list. During this time and in no particular order, Joi taught a little bit of everything between first and eighth grades, got married and then divorced, completed grad school, birthed a few babies – Ferris {November 1997}, Warren {December 1999} and Laylah {March 2006}, moved an old lady into her home – Granny {January 1925} started working in Human Resources, served an excessive amount of time (on boards, in booster clubs, team momming) as a crazy sports momma, and learned a lot of life lessons. Joi is known for her unabashed honesty, always present sense of humor and her #TeamTooMuch style of doing everything. On most days, you can find her caught up in her love/hate relationship with politics, feeding her Facebook addiction, or counting the number of days until her last child graduates from high school.


  1. I’m a 1w2, so if you cut in line I will cut you out of my life. I’m married to a 6w7, by the way!

    Have you come across the enneagram album? It’s called Atlas:Enneagram by Sleeping at Last. There’s a song for every number, and they sink into your soul. My favorite line from the 6 song is,

    “I want to believe
    No, I choose to believe
    That I was made to become
    A sanctuary
    Fear won’t go away
    But I can keep it at bay”

    Healthy sixes make the rest of feel safe. 🥰


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