Father’s Day, for some moms, is another day missing a pivotal figure in their upbringing. A confidant when life gets way too hard. The physical hug you still need even though you are a parent yourself. If this is you – fatherless on Father’s Day – we see you. We know where a piece of your heart is today, and you are not alone.
In February 2002, I unexpectedly found myself at my parent’s house on a Sunday. I decided to stay the night and just drive into my teaching job the next morning. We grilled. We watched TV – Dad in his blue recliner, most likely the family cat on his lap. September 11th was still so fresh, and our conversations those days were hard. Yet, I learned so much from him during chats like these. I got up to go to work the next morning, told him good-bye. I did not know that good-bye was forever.
I have told the story of losing my dad often, and to me, the way he passed doesn’t factor into feeling his absence on Father’s Day, or any day. He’s just gone. No matter how, he isn’t here for those hugs or to see me be a parent. On days when I am sad, I am honest with my kids. About that piece of my heart. About how much they would love him. And on Father’s Day, I will be honest with them again.
Fatherless moms have choices today. And, I am here to say it’s okay if those choices fluctuate within these 24 hours where we honor all dads. You can wake up and suddenly feel that ache and let it resonate. Be honest with yourself. Your kids. Your spouse. Honor how you feel.
The other choice you have, and I will gladly take, is to celebrate how you think your dad would like to celebrate Father’s Day. We are going to probably watch baseball. I can guarantee there will be grilling {on his grill that we now have}. Maybe my husband will take the kids fishing. I might drink a beer and kick back on the back porch. I’ll definitely read a good book – a favorite past-time he passed down to me. A bike ride. A chat with my kids subtly sprinkled with life lessons. A short science talk about the values of nature. All the things that would make him proud and make that ache lessen in sharpness.
Father’s Day, for some moms, will have hard moments. Whether the loss is fresh, or it happened years ago, it doesn’t diminish that sting you feel because he is missing. My dad taught me everything about how to handle days like this one. Feel the ache. Celebrate the life. Honor who he made you to be.
If you are fatherless on Father’s Day, we pray you spend this day doing just the same. We offer you that hug that you are missing today.
