Get Out My Business

Recently, I attended a baby sprinkle for a friend’s quickly approaching second child.  It was at a really cute tea house,Serenitea, in Sugarland.  And as we sat around the table trying to think of a good name for a sibling for Parker, the obvious conversation started about the number of children each mom was planning to have.  Some might assume that since my friend Kelly had a boy and was now having a girl – she had the perfect set up and should just call it quits.  Someone asked me when I was planning on my next child because Addy is almost 3.

Apparently my uterus should be up for rent after 3 years.  I politely shrugged and went back to stuffing my mouth with delicious scones and gingerbread tea. But this topic comes up often now that my kid is no longer a baby.  Family members.  Co-workers.  Friends.  Strangers at the park.

When’s the next one coming?

How dare you just think you can produce one offspring?

Doesn’t Tyrone want to try for a boy?

Don’t you want to give Addison a sibling?

It’s not fair to be an only child.

Y’all.  Get out my business!

I’m thankful that I had a simple, easy pregnancy.  Hooray.  Am I just going to up and do it again?  Does this mean that I have to explain to my father that the 50/50 chance of having another girl is just too astronomically high?  Dad, I don’t want to talk about this with you!

Get out my business!

By now, I’m sure you’ve read the ‘How I Became a Mother’ series and all that the HMB contributors have had to go through to make their families what they are today. Some have battled fertility issues.  Some have faced trauma.  They have opened up their hearts and shared these stories with people.  I’ve talked with moms that had to have hysterectomies before they celebrated their 30th birthday.   Having another kid just is not an option, and when strangers feel the need to get all up in their business about having another kid, they have to retell these stories.

I have wonderful single friends that get badgered about them getting “up in age” and needing to have kids before they get too old.  Firstly, let’s all agree that 30 is not “up in age” by any means.  And secondly, get up out their business.

Don’t just take my word for it as a mom of a singleton.  Here’s a testimony from Michelle T too ::

Let me set the scene for you… We are out at a store. I have the twins in their stroller, my 4 year old holding onto the handle of the stroller, and my 10 year old walking along side me. A stranger approaches us, and no sooner than “Are they twins??” comes out of their mouths, immediately following is “you certainly have your hands full.”
If only it stopped there. If that was the end, we would be good. But it isn’t.

Next comes the “You are done having kids though, right?”  “Four is plenty.”

REALLY? 

GET OUT MY BUSINESS. 

I realize people mean well, and I usually smile and go into my “we are so blessed” speech, but what if 4 isn’t enough for our family? What if I want more kiddos….what is it to you? Do you really want me standing in the aisle of the grocery store chatting about my husband’s and my baby making? In front of my children?? Um – PASS!

The best is when I get lectured on paying for 4 college educations….. “Do you know how much that is going to cost you?”  Gee, my children’s future and education?? Nope, never crossed my mind.

GET OUT MY BUSINESS.

What if I want a whole 15 passenger cargo van full of kids? Would that be so wrong?? Maybe give Michelle Duggar a little run for her money? {Just for the record for all the curious cats out there, my tubes are tied. You can rest easy. No TLC show for me.} For now, we are enjoying our family of 6. But maybe one day we will add to our family through adoption…..

And then we can find all new reasons to want to tell people GET OUT MY BUSINESS!!!

So I have come up with this fabulous chart on how to approach asking a woman on how many kids she is planning to have.  Please feel free to reference it and pass it along to those who feel the need to be all up in your business.

HMB - Guide to Questioning Number of Kids

Isn’t that simple?!  Unless the woman herself broaches the subject, let’s just all agree to stay out of the business of other people’s lady parts.

Previous articleFitness Friday :: Get Fit Outside the Box
Next articleHeigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, Back to Work I {happily} Go!
Breonna was born and raised in Houston, Texas. She is recently married to Tyrone, a graphic designer. They currently reside on the West Side of this great city. A big fan of movies, books, photography, and Starbucks, she currently finds herself knee-deep in the throes of being a mommy to Addy {Feb 2011}. Breonna spends the typical 9-5 doing yadda yadda yadda at her job {yes, it’s that nondescript and uninteresting}. She started blogging as a way to do movie reviews, but that gave way to pregnancy blogging. She eventually landed her own space of the internet on BreWrites as well as on Twitter and Instagram {@brewrites} where she talks about everything from the sassiness of her child, to the most recent concert tickets she got her hands on, to the occasional piece of short fiction.

16 COMMENTS

  1. Loved this post! Made me laugh and actually consider printing out that chart… I get my fair share of comments/questions/advice with sextuplets 🙂

    • yeah they really need to get out of your business. do they not know your story?! who is even qualified to give you advice lol.

    • see, that’s what i’m saying. the chance of another girl is so high. i like having a girl but you can’t control what’s coming out of there!

  2. Absolutely. Can we post this in sign form in public places? Because really, everyone needs to know that it’s not cool to ask strangers in line at the grocery store checkout what the status of their uterus is. Yes, this is my only little kid. No, I don’t need 3 more. Why have I waited to have another? Oh look, that other checkout line is open, maybe you should go there.

    Great blog post, Bre.

  3. Haha, ok confession: I am totally guilty of this 🙂 I ask friends and family members, but not strangers. It doesn’t bother me at all when people ask me, so I guess I didn’t really think of it as a big deal. Although most of my friends seem to talk openly about it, but maybe I should be more careful when it come to not so close friends since not everyone would feel comfortable. Funny post! I do get asked a lot by strangers if I am going to try for a boy next time (as if you can really control the gender), but I just say yeah we’ll see!

  4. I know that feeling! We have two boys and I’m often asked, ( almost to the point of harassment) when are we having a girl…as if I had a magic wand to determine the sex! We are content with 2 boys! 🙂

  5. Great article, Bre’. I don’t normally ask women about their reproduction (or lack, thereof), so feel free to check me if I “get in your business. Love you!

  6. I have a variety of responses ready for this question-

    1. Do you KNOW how much my NICU baby cost? Let’s discuss that.
    2. No, I’m not having boys. Ever. (I realize I’ve totally jinxed myself on that one.)
    3. I like sleep. And wine. I’m not giving either up right now.

  7. Aww, I’m sorry you got bombarded at my shower, but I can completely relate! I literally get asked 3-5 times EVERY single day if we are done or if we’re going to have another. I don’t mind friends asking who care, but most of the time it’s strangers. I haven’t even had the baby yet, leave me alone!

  8. The comments that I have gotten from people when I tell them I’m one & done shock me. I’m surpised I haven’t ended up in jail. I have had people tell me it’s cruel, they feel bad for my kid because he is “all alone”, it’s not fair to him & on & on. Keep in mind I’m an only child.

  9. Love this. I get comments all the time because my 3 girls are so far apart 17, 6, & 1. People often say “wow, you like starting over don’t you” or “just can’t get that boy, huh?” I love having only girls and the spacing wasn’t planned the way it happened, it’s just how God and my body decided it should be. I don’t mind it when people ask in a somewhat nice way but it does get intrusive at times.

  10. Maybe this makes me a terrible person but I just flat out tell people that I’m infertile “but thanks for your opinion” just to kind of make them feel bad. Ooooh well. They brought it up. 😉

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here