Growing up one of six kids, Mother’s Day was always a big deal. A clear your calendar, plan for large everything, lots of food, very big deal. My mother is not only the mother of six, but she also homeschooled all of us for years and years {she deserves a gold medal for that triumph alone}. Now that we are all grown with our own families and jobs, the importance and impact of Mother’s Day is the same.
Every year, now that our dad has passed away, her children, sons-in-law, and daughter-in-law, conspire to make it big in the way my dad trained us to. One of the greatest gifts this big annual celebration gave me was realizing that Mother’s Day is not just about honoring my mom, but our grandmothers, aunts, in-laws, and those women who became our moms along the way. We never just celebrated one mom on Mother’s Day, but the plethora of amazing women who made up the village that raised us, loved us, nurtured us, and helped shape us into the people that we are today.
While I loved showering my mom with love, as a teenager and even an early adult I did not totally “get” Mother’s Day. But that changed in 2013 when I became a mom. And in becoming a mom through adoption, another mom was added to the family, my son’s birth mom, and our village of moms grew.
Understanding Mother’s Day In A New Way
When our son was born in March of 2013, his birth mother handed him straight to us in the hospital. We had no agreement for contact and while it was not a never, it was a not sure what would happen in terms of contact. I celebrated my first Mother’s Day two months after my son was born, and while I was excited and happy to finally be included in this village of mothers, something felt incomplete. As the months went on, I still felt that same feeling of something missing, and it was not until right after the finalization of our adoption that I realized what it was. Our son’s other mother.
Let me clarify, I am his mom, his mommy, mama, protector, snack delivery system, dinosaur fact finder, and late night cuddler, but I am not his only mother. His birth mother is an important person in my son’s life. She is the woman who chose life for him, chose a future for him, and chose, above all else, his well being and future over her own feelings and potential heartbreak. If that is not a mother, I do not know what is. We are two different women connected by a little boy through different circumstances, but forever linked in this amazing village of moms.
While our son has not met his biological mother, he has her pictures in his room, knows her name and speaks of her often. He tells everyone he grew in her tummy, but in my heart. He loves to tell people his story, his journey, and she is part of that story and journey. She is one of the biggest pieces of that story. So, on Mother’s Day we honor her and her legacy and impact on our family. We send her a text through her mom, his biological grandmother who he has met and knows. And through that connection, another link in the village of mothers grows.
Mother’s Day is a day to honor the women who shape us, who define us, who create us to be who we are. While our son’s biological mother is part of his story, she is part of mine as well. I could not celebrate Mother’s Day without honoring her, celebrating her part in my mom village. Each year I share this day with her. It is emotional and a lot at times, but every single year I sit in silence and think about her and give thanks I share my village with her.
Honoring Your Village
This village of moms has led me to a profound understanding of what the power Mother’s Day really is. The power of Mother’s Day is not in the gifts, the big, the elaborate brunches or trips. The power of Mother’s Day is in remembering and celebrating the legacies and impact of the women who shaped you and those who made you a mom. It is in remembering the village of moms who have created us to be the people we are.
This Mother’s Day celebrate your mom, but also your grandmother, great-grandmother, aunts, sisters, friends, and those women, who throughout your life, poured into you and helped to make you, you. And if you are a mom celebrate those that helped make you the mom that you are. Above all celebrate the love of this amazing village we call motherhood. The village of motherhood is a village built on love, sacrifice, strength, support, and much more. So, make this Mother’s Day a celebration of all that with all your village.
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