I Will Never Have A Valentine’s Day

I Will Never Have a Valentine's Day | Houston Moms Blog

As most wives do, I celebrate my husband every year on Valentine’s Day. But not because it’s this special day designated for showering my significant other with love and affection; I spend the day celebrating my husband’s birthday.

Yes, my guy was a Valentine’s Day baby, and–seeing that he is truly the love of my life–it seems nothing less than appropriate to recognize him on a day that is all about love. Growing up with a birthday on an observed holiday proved to be a struggle for him; he often felt overshadowed by all the romance in the air, and when his friends began having dates instead of plans to chill with him, a resentment toward Valentine’s Day took root. By the time we met, his distaste for the holiday had grown into full-blown bitterness, which resulted in his refusal to acknowledge it at all.

Of course, I knew what I had signed on to from the beginning, and I did my very best as his girlfriend to make him feel like the whole world was celebrating him on his birthday. On my first attempt to do this, I threw him a surprise birthday party that a handful of our close friends came to {and I silently judged the few who chose to spend their evening partaking in the frilly festivities instead of celebrating another year of my favorite person}. These days, I’ve learned that it’s best to either celebrate with large groups on a different day close to his actual birthday, or choose a non-peak time for the lovebirds–like, lunch; there is almost nothing romantic about lunch.

Regardless of who I can rally to show up for my husband’s birthday, however, there is really only one person who absolutely has to dedicate the entire day to him :: me. Should I expect any candy hearts, or chocolates, or a bouquet of roses? Definitely not. Should I expect him to even say a simple “Happy Valentine’s Day”? Out of the question. I have learned that my general acknowledgement of the holiday results in an unhappy husband.

[Story time :: For his 25th birthday, I decided to throw him another surprise birthday party. But this time I decided to do a little morning/afternoon flashmob game of flag football, followed by grilling lunch in the park. It was a sunny February day with perfect weather, and I’d convinced a good amount of people {at least enough to form two teams} to spend some of their day celebrating my main man. The only hitch was the “surprise” aspect :: I had to figure out a way to get my husband to the park without suspecting I was up to something. My master plan? Pull the Valentine’s Day card. Friends, let me just tell you that playing this hand was disastrous. In my attempt to pretend like I wanted to have a little Valentine’s Day picnic in the park before we made the rest of the day “all about him”, I stirred up an argument I could not gracefully navigate my way out of. Instead, I was forced to half-spoil the surprise with the following statement :: “LOOK. You need to be at the park with me at 10:30 am on February 14th, or you are going to disappoint a lot of people!”]

I have not yet attempted another surprise party on his actual birthday since then, and I DEFINITELY do not bring up “V-day”.

Do I ever feel sorry for myself that I don’t get the attention on the day everyone else’s significant other is posting their #blessed paragraphs about how great their love is? Sometimes, I do. But, truthfully, I don’t need it to be on Valentine’s Day. Because telling and showing each other how much we mean to the other person is not something we should reserve for one day out of the year.

Ever since having kids, we realized how easy it can be to put our marriage on the back burner. We never used to go on dates because “dating” wasn’t something we really ever did when we were… well, dating. We were just friends who fell in love and kept hanging out pretty much the same way we used to {with a few–*wink, wink*–additions}. When we got married, not much changed, except we got to live together and every night could be date night. Now, though, just being at home presents a million other responsibilities, despite all the amazing memories we make and cherish of these crazy baby and toddler years. So it takes effort to make our marriage a priority, and many times we have learned that the hard way. 

It’s easy to feel distant from your spouse when life/parenting gets busy and stressful and you don’t make time to even talk about your day, much less just relax together and remember how much you enjoy just being together without the running to-do list scrolling through your mind. In fact, the crazier and busier our life gets, the more important it is for us to make intentional time to break away and just be us–even for just one night.

We aim to build each other up and show our love for one another in many different ways, every day. Of course, we fail each other in this more than I’d like to admit, but it has become too important to save our accolades and affection for one day out of the year. He’s my valentine every single day, and I am his. 

But on Valentine’s Day, it’s all about him. And he can buy me the discounted chocolate and flowers the day after. 

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