If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…

Ever since I returned to work from maternity leave with Skeeter, the comments started. “When are you having another?”  I actually don’t mind innocent questions – the ones from dear friends or family or from those who don’t know our previous pregnancy experience and the complications I faced.  But those who do know and make careless comments – Drive. Me. Insane.

“Heather needs to hurry up and have another.  She’s not getting any younger.”  Oh, really?  I turned 30 and now my eggs are all shriveling up.  Thanks for the reminder.

“Skeeter needs a sibling.  She shouldn’t be an only child.”  Once again, this is a comment from someone who isn’t family or a close friend.  Thanks, but no thanks.  I’m pretty sure I’ve considered the needs and potential desires of my child.  Yes, she does ask about having a younger brother every now and then.  But for now she’s soaking up the attention from both parents.  If and when my husband and I decide to have another, we’ll have another.  No one else gets a say.

I took a minute to rant to some friends about this, and I wasn’t the only one at the other end of careless remarks.  Here are some they shared…

“You aren’t going to stay fat after you have the baby, are you?”  I actually have no response for this one.

“Cool, you already have a boy and a girl!  You’re done!”  Because that’s the standard for the perfect family.  Thanks.

 “Since you only got to experience having a REAL baby ONCE, don’t you want to do it again?”  This was said to an adoptive mother.  All babies = real babies.  The end.

“Are you due any day now?”  I’ll assume that since this comment was made to a pregnant woman, appropriate action was taken immediately.  Let’s just all agree to not mess with the hormones, okay?

Here’s the deal :: we all say stupid things.  We all have to put our foot in our mouths every now and then {in fact, Jana has a post coming up soon on that topic}.  But if you’re constantly making these comments, take a minute to consider whether you know the whole story.  This mother that you’re trying to convince to have another baby may be struggling with infertility this time around.  Or maybe she just suffered from a miscarriage.  Or postpartum depression.  Or maybe they just don’t want to have another, like Michelle.

In my case, it’s taken me quite some time to recover from our NICU experience and get to a point where I’m comfortable thinking about having another child.  But my decision whether or not to have another child doesn’t affect anyone but my little family.  So keep the comments to yourself, okay?

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to SayPhoto Credit :: Karen Jacot Photography

1 COMMENT

  1. i totally agree with this!!! We had a rough 1st year and everyone thinks they understand what we went through but there were struggles no one saw behind all the medical issues . We need time to enjoy our little man and make memories with him before we decide to have another…and it’s no one else’s business PERIOD!

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