Progress Report :: Does this New Homeschool Mom Make the Grade?

Homeschooling wasn’t an activity I envisioned sharing with my offspring. 

I’m not a natural teacher. I’m also pretty selfish with my time. 

Also, math. EW. 

I’m not even that maternal, most days. I LOVE my kids. Real hard. But big love doesn’t always translate to the ability to sew a stuffed animal’s rear limb back on. Or like, patience.

#motheroftheyear

But things change. And so have I. 

COVID. An ER visit. Worries. Masks required on itty bitty faces at school {which I agree with, but didn’t find that my very young kids would do well with that added obstacle}. Uncertainty and many many doubts. 

Finally, clarity. A smidgen of it. 

I made the decision to pull them for the year. I made it after a month of hard, scary thinking. Of hours of chats with friends that were feeling the same; most, much braver than me. And other friends that already excelled at this homeschooling gig and were willing to entertain my countless questions and idealistic delusions {“We are going to go on adventures every day! We’re basically going to be one with nature–24/7. And I will NEVER lose my cool or curse or threaten to take away Minecraft for a month…”}. 

I could do this for a year. 

And ONLY a year. 

Plus, extra hugs and not waking up at 6:00 AM–seems legit. 

I did my research–something I am fairly good at. Helps that I get pretty obsessive about new ideas and anything that promotes an in depth study of fairy tale villains. 

I did the dirty work. Followed an obscene amount of homeschool influencers on Instagram, bought lots of overpriced wooden scales and cubes, and a big girl printer. 

Can’t forget the laminator and binding machines. That’s Homeschool 101. 

It started off so well. Totally thought a raise was imminent. 

It was fascinating for me to observe the different ways my children learn. What caught their attention, what stirred their imaginations, and what they struggled with. 

I worried about physical activity and socialization, but since we generally like being outside and I was lucky enough to have a few besties on this new journey, our kids were getting to hang and exercise. 

In theory, this should all work out. 

But now, I fear the honeymoon is over. There is never enough time for all the things that need to be said, cleaned, and prayed over. I’ve lost my cool–can’t even remember where I dropped it. And the kids are either arguing or complaining and no one wanted to complete the exquisite ocean floor study I spent 15 hours on. 

So, I’ve decided to take a break, be honest, and grade myself on my experience so far. With grace. And their iPads fully charged. 

Progress Report, First 9 or 12 or 117 weeks {I forgot to keep track}

Lunch :: A

I’m not saying it’s nutritious or even super edible, but I have yet to miss a meal.

Sometimes, I even feed the kids. 

Crafts :: B

My secret–Dollar Tree. I go every couple of weeks, spend about $15 and get a silly amount of stuff to glue together. Then I pick a random book and try to come up with a simple craft; extra points if it involves colorful cotton balls {I have a habit of forgetting that I already own 16 bags and end up panic-buying two more…}. 

This is also where those ever-glowing IG models come through. Bless them. And their step by step DIY guides. 

Dragon Training :: C

We have a quarantine puppy, aptly named Dragon. We picked him up, late March.

He makes a lousy sub. 

Super cute, though. And distracting while trying to teach the difference between the stratosphere and troposphere. Fantastic at devouring plants and homework. 

Library Loot :: A

We are a fierce library family. Receiving your own library card is a right of passage and something we don’t take lightly–you lose the book, you pay that fine. Hand over your tooth fairy money, son. 

Our library is still closed for wandering around {I feel this loss more than most} so I have to be super thoughtful about what items I put on hold to collect at Curbside. 

It ends up being a party. Just missing the confetti. 

Sleeping In :: A+++

Perhaps it’s the late night escapades or the midnight doom sessions that replay through my brain on loop, but we all have zero issues with sleeping in and enjoying a couple extra hours. 

Patience :: F 

It’s as thin and frail as a spider’s morning web. Not nearly as satisfying to smash. 

I think they have started referring to me as “Thunder Voice Mommy”. 

Cool superhero name, but I’m not proud. 

Magical Things :: B

Did you know that we have a wishing tree in the ravine, right outside our back gate? And that invisible fairies patrol the woods and I once met a talking bear named Frederick on the bike trail? There’s a wizard that grants wishes if you can bring him 7 different colored peacock feathers and three sticks of unmeltable butter–that’s just what a friend told me. And wolves are kind if you sing their favorite song backwards and ask them to dance. 

My kids know these things. I’ve made sure of it. 

Turning on PBS Shows :: A

I’m like, REALLY good at defaulting to an educational show and calling it a day. One of my biggest strengths. 

Field Trips :: B 

In a world without COVID {isn’t that a mighty pretty thought} we would be able to incorporate more trips in our weekly schedule. Right now, it’s mainly museums and outdoor venues–anything to stretch our legs and expand our view outside of our these dusty walls. 

Storytime :: A+

I don’t know if I just marvel at the sound of my own voice or if it’s just the one activity we can all agree on, but read alouds are an essential part of our day. The one thing we all enjoy and seldom need bribes for. 

Currently Reading :: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. My Wonka impression is a delight. And I have nailed that Veruca Salt whine. 

Cleaning :: Unsatisfactory 

Ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

*cries in corner, notices roach remains*

So, I wouldn’t say I’m failing, yet, but there is definitely room for improvement. 

I can work with that. I’m not quite ready to throw in the towel and admit defeat–pay my daughter the $30 she bet against me. 

Besides, Christmas is coming–good things tend to follow that. 

Also, I still have high hopes of teaching Dragon to hold a pencil and multiply. Having a furry, live-in substitute teacher would do wonders for my complexion and yoga aspirations. 


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Britany is currently lost in Houston, but not worried because she brought plenty of snacks. An avid traveler with a wild, squishy heart--she birthed one baby in New Orleans, the other, in Amsterdam. She recently bought a dog, named him Dragon, and brags to strangers about it. In a former life, she owned a wedding planning business; misses the free cake, the most. When she isn’t avoiding cooking AT ALL COSTS, she is trying to squeeze out some good words, hoping to make a living by using her imagination and pen to scare children (the next great kidlit series, they say). She prefers her drinks dirty. Is anxious. Kind of wishes it was Halloween. And will likely hug you a beat too long and make it weird.

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