As I Kiss the Reproductive Years Goodbye

The walls are quickly closing in on my time in my reproductive years. For the past 6 years, I’ve been having a constant conversation with myself {and my mama tribe} about planning to have babies, trying to have babies, carrying babies, birthing babies, and nurturing babies. I’ve logged thousands of Houston commuting minutes, hashing through these decisions in my head, and I’ve sent hundreds of emails and texts on the phone looking for support and answers to questions about how to sort through it all. I’m not going to count the dollars I’ve spent on ovulation and pregnancy tests, or the time googling combinations of irrational fears stuck in my psyche. There have been tears and hugs and joy … mistakes and victories. But it’s all been a big part of me for a while, and I’m a month away from the end.

In a way I’m really excited about the end of this stage. I’m very ready to propel myself forward – further into my career, deeper into motherhood, and stronger in my marriage. I’m ready to plan a future vacation, not worried about the status of my womb. As our new addition grows through and out of things, I can’t wait to get all this “stuff” out of my house instead of finding space to store another plastic bin. I want to take my body and health back instead of using my very leaned upon list of excuses, “Trying to get Pregnant, Pregnant, or Nursing.” My brain currently contains an e-copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility and a long list of acronyms that only the fertility challenged would understand. I can’t even imagine what I will do with all that head space as I lose the need for all this information.

And at the same time, I’m sad to move on. These 6 years haven’t necessarily been a walk in the park for me, and in ways I’ve let parts of it take over and define who I am. Good or bad, letting this part of my life go is going to be a loss that I’ll have to process.

Every first … is also going to be the last.

I’ve learned things about myself through this adventure that I didn’t even realize I needed to know; I’ve grown to places I didn’t think possible. I’m very thankful for these lessons, for myself, and for my ability to give them to others. I know that as the hormones and adrenaline surge over the next month with a fresh delivery and newborn in my arms, the haste of the end will be overwhelming. I don’t really know how to let this adventure fade out into the sunset, and the finality of that saddens me.

With all these mixed emotions I do know there is a fresh batch of young women just waiting to take my place at this table. This does fill me with huge excitement, passing the imaginary baton just as it was given to me. Get in line, jump on the roller coaster, and come out the other side with one of life’s greatest accomplishments in your pocket, the title of mother.

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Sarah, a New Orleans native, transplanted to Houston after Hurricane Katrina and has never looked back. Mom to big sister Maggie {Aug 2011} who keeps her on her toes, the most adorable little brother Jack {Nov 2013}, and one final addition arriving in August 2016! Sarah is constantly striving to have it all as she juggles working on the managerial and operational end of the healthcare industry, planning adventurous weekends to explore all Houston has to offer with her husband and kids, and keeping up with friends and family. You can follow along with Sarah’s daily life on Instagram at @sarahschnure.


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