Single Mom Seeking :: Online Dating in the Age of the Internet

Tired of sporting your best pair of hot girl jeans and heels to the local Target, hoping to find Mr. Right on the Charmin aisle? Sick of waiting on Prince Charming to knock on your door with a pair of shiny glass slippers? Been burned by the blind date and ready to take matters into your own hands? Wondering if you should spend a little time behind the keyboard looking online for love?

Single Mom Seeking :: Online Dating in the Age of the Internet

The Online Dating Evolution

In the unlikely event you didn’t know – we’ve rolled into 2020 and the dating scene has evolved from the traditional boy-meets-girl world many of us were taught to believe was the path to the forever fairytale. Instead, you had better have a laptop, the Play Store app, and tons of patience.

While online dating sites often have bad reputations – it is entirely possible to find love on the internet. In fact now, 22% of couples meet their spouses online and dating apps are now the most common precursor to coupling. For those of you ready to journey into the world of online dating, buckle up and get ready to roll through this list of tips.

Navigating the Online Dating Scene

  1. Ignore the Naysayers. There will likely be a truckload of folks telling you that only crazy psycho stalker types peruse dating sites in search of love. I have no data to support my next statement – but life, Netflix and the evening news make me think you are just as likely to find a crazy stalker type managing your local bookstore. Next.
  2. To Pay or Not to Pay. Some folks swear you get what you pay for in quality on online dating sites. But is it really logical to apply… car-buying logic to finding-love logic?! Love connections are pretty much chance, magic and voodoo anyway. Acting as though there is a method to the madness that is love is well… madness. 
  3. Strike Quickly. New users are fresh meat. Get in, grab what you need, and get out. Think about the produce section of your local HEB. Do you want the baby spinach shoppers have seen lying on the shelf for weeks – wilting and growing fuzz? Or are you going to snatch up the baby spinach placed prominently on the shelf this morning? See my point?! Exchange messages with the ones that interest you. Think quality over quantity. Juggling whole humans is hard. Too many options at one time and you are bound to be overwhelmed and miss out on a good one. Get a few numbers. Shut down your profile. Have a few conversations and quickies. If nothing sticks, you can always go back – fresh and new again – because you didn’t allow yourself to become old baby spinach.
  4. Systems and Coding. You will probably converse with a number of people before finding Mr. Okay-At-Least-For-Now. Establish an online dating coding system. If you find them on Match – create their contact with M followed by their name. Bumble? Use B followed by their name. {Ex. B Idris Elba}. Bonus points for saving their contact info with a profile pic and other key details. It sucks when you think you are about to meet your Denzel Washington doppelganger and end up having Kermit the Frog show up because your profile notes were trash and you got your dudes mixed. 
  5. Know Your Non-Negotiables. Determine your 80/20 before you get deep in the game. Do not waste time fooling with people that you know are not a good fit. Get comfortable saying no to inbox options. Everyone will not be for you. 
  6. Don’t Waste Time with the Masters of the Inbox Message. People who are genuinely interested and seeking a relationship are going to want more than an infinity gauntlet full of inbox small talk. And then there are other people who do not want relationships – they just want attention. Do not get sucked into their inbox abyss. If there is no progression… messages, phone calls, quickies… hit the next button and move on to the next option. 
  7. Meet in Public Places for Quickie. Ohhhh, did you think I meant… ;)? Shucks no! The quickie… you know… a mini date. Ice cream. Coffee. Walk around the park. Because being trapped in a two hour three course dinner with someone you have zero – in real life – interest is no bueno. Save the long fancy candlelight dinners for the people who ace the 80/20 test.
  8. Safety First. Give your besties the who, the when and the where – before you head out. In the event something goes wrong, you will be glad that you did what you could to help Benson and Stabler… help you. Also, keep the goobers away from your kids until you are certain he is not undercover cray cray. Make sure it is likely this person will be around for a while and that they deserve to be a part of your family life. Break ups are hard on grown-ups; there is no point in forcing your kids to suffer through your break up too.
  9. Do Your Research. The internet is a wealth of information. Use this to your advantage. Real talk… with only a first name and a hobby, I was able to find out that one {never married/no kids is what he told me} hottie had a whole wife and two kids in another state. Also, he had given me a fake name. And I still caught him. #Busted
  10.  Trust Your Gut and Do Not Ignore Red Flags. If he hasn’t held a steady job in years or is ultra possessive or doesn’t spend time with his kids or slept with his ex girlfriend’s bestie or hates puppies… keep it moving and pat yourself on the back for dodging a bullet.

Kissing Frogs

Expect to kiss some frogs. In all likelihood, you won’t meet the dream on the first try. And maybe not even by the 21st try. But that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Keep you – the queen, your royal family and that list of non negotiables in mind at all times in your quest for the fairytale. And if the online dating search produces nothing… there’s always the hot girl jeans and your local Target. 

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Joi was born and raised in San Antonio. After a brief pit stop at the University of Texas in Austin, Joi moved to Houston in 1994 and began checking boxes off her never ending to do list. During this time and in no particular order, Joi taught a little bit of everything between first and eighth grades, got married and then divorced, completed grad school, birthed a few babies – Ferris {November 1997}, Warren {December 1999} and Laylah {March 2006}, moved an old lady into her home – Granny {January 1925} started working in Human Resources, served an excessive amount of time (on boards, in booster clubs, team momming) as a crazy sports momma, and learned a lot of life lessons. Joi is known for her unabashed honesty, always present sense of humor and her #TeamTooMuch style of doing everything. On most days, you can find her caught up in her love/hate relationship with politics, feeding her Facebook addiction, or counting the number of days until her last child graduates from high school.



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