SOS Becky :: July Edition

As a Houston Moms Blog contributor and MBTI Certified Life Coach, I will be answering reader questions and offering a fresh perspective into some of the troubles that real Houston moms face.  ANYTHING goes and all questions will remain completely anonymous. I’m not pretending to have all the answers either. But sometimes it helps to have someone look into your situation who isn’t personally connected to it. And along the way, we all end up helping one another. One thing I’ve learned from SOS:: May Edition is we are not alone in the struggles we have! Something about knowing that simple truth is so very helpful.

:: SOS Becky #1 ::

I’m struggling with making friends. I know, it sounds so lame but it’s true. Making friends was so easy when I was in school, but now it seems impossible. How do I make friends as an adult? 

SOS Becky,

Table for One

Dear Table for One,

Chelsea, HMB contributor, wrote a great post about this called “Making friends as an adult”. She shares some great ideas of where to go and some great tips too!

If I was your Life Coach, I would encourage you to read that article and pick one of those areas, or another area that comes to mind as you read it, and put some effort in that for the remainder of 2014.

Another thing I’d encourage you to do is take time out from social media if you feel you are lacking friends. I know it may sound counter intuitive, and there are SO many wonderful things about social media – so I’m not knocking it at all. After all, it can connect us moms when we feel so isolated. But we can also become like so many teenagers these days – unable to have real and meaningful and in person relationships. Use it to build those relationships, but be sure to foster them outside of the device in your hand.

It’s hard. Being a mom can be very lonely at times. But make the time to make friends. And know that as you do that you are teaching your child a really wonderful lesson – the gift of making friends. Community is one of the greatest gifts of life, such a treasure to pass down!

:: SOS Becky #2 ::

I’m struggling with patience. I know I’m not alone in this because all my mommy friends say the same thing to me. Counting to ten, taking a deep breath, or walking away for a second just isn’t working. I don’t want to get so upset at my kids, but I also don’t know how to be patient when internally I want to explode. 

SOS Becky,

1, 2, 3, *deep breath* 4, 5, 6 *deep breath* 7, 8 , 9, 10

Dear 1, 2, 3, *deep breath* 4, 5, 6 *deep breath* 7, 8 , 9, 10,

I wish I had a good answer for this one, but I’m not sure I do. I’m right in the throws of this one myself. I called in reinforcements from all my mom friends, young and old, on social media, and they shared what we’ve both said now :: “Don’t know, let me know when you figure it out.”

Here’s what I can tell you – you aren’t alone and there isn’t an easy answer to this one.

In the moment when you think you might actually explode, do whatever you can find that could work – so many of those things you listed.

But what I’m hearing from you, from myself, and from other moms is that we need to figure out a plan before we get to that eruption point. We will all get there from time to time. Having kids is hard stuff. Hard stuff. And so often we find ourselves in survival mode and on the defense.

Let’s switch gears, what’s the best way to deal with impatience? In my opinion, be recharged enough you can handle the blows. Every mom I’ve ever met sacrifices her self again and again and again and again. We put others first so often that we don’t even realize we put ourselves very last. We are spent. So when we need to draw some extra energy to deal with a hard moment, we have nothing.

What fills you? Be selfish and do that. Do something every single day that fills you up. Get a pedicure, work out, drink a glass of wine, watch a silly show, go have dinner with girls, put the kids in Mother’s Day Out, read a good book, have your husband put the kids down, etc. Find something, anything and do it. Daily.

And doing that one selfish thing won’t make you a bad mom. It will make you a better mom.

HMBSOSBecky.jpg

If you have a question you would like answered, please email beckykhmb {at} gmail {dot} com or simply use the Contact Us form and include “SOS Becky” in the subject line to make it super easy. To view previous SOS Becky posts, click :: all SOS Becky Posts.

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Becky grew up in Houston, leaving only for college and an internship, but the humidity called her back! And it's a good thing - because shortly after moving home, she met her husband Chris, St. Louis Cardinals fanatic and {wife proclaimed} genius. She stays home with their two (soon-to-be three) girls: Karis, a girly girl and tenacious toddler, and Moriah, smiliest baby alive & Texas Women’s Hospital 10,000th baby in 2012. When she's not in the middle of a tea party, play dates, or potty training, she writes devotions with Sacred Holidays, teaches at prisons and women's ministry events and is a certified MBTI Life Coach {with Orbiting Normal}. She loves hot Houston summers, coffee creamer, dance parties with her family, nail polish, iced tea, reading {although it’s a lot of picture books these days}, and their church family {Bayou City Fellowship}! She would love to connect with you on her personal blog {www.beckykiser.com} or through Twitter {@beckykiser}, Pinterest {@beckyjkiser}, and Facebook.

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