Stuff First Time Moms Say

Let me preface this article by letting you all know that this is all in good fun. I was there not too long ago and said all of these things {and more!}. So lean back, rest your body in between feedings, naps, diaper changes, preschool drop-off, and/or work deadlines, and enjoy the out of control silliness that can come from being a first time mom. Oh, and this post definitely won’t apply to everyone. If you’re a second or third time mom, and you still find all of these things to be important, then that’s okay too. You’re welcome to keep reading and judge me silently as well.

Stuff First Time Moms Say

On Birth Plans…

“I will have a natural, vaginal birth, no matter what.”

“I typed out exactly how I want the nurses, doctors, my husband, and our family and friends to act on the big day.”

“There will be no diverting from the plan.”

There is only one person on earth who will dictate the birth plan.  {Hint :: It’s the one who is being born.}

On Nutrition…

“Breast is best. {And it will make me lose all the baby weight immediately!}”

“Who needs a breastfeeding class or lactation consultant? It’s natural, right?”

“No solids until 6 months!”

“Making baby food isn’t that time consuming or difficult.”

“She’s such a good eater.”

“Pacifiers and bottles cause nipple confusion.”

“I’ll never let my kids eat sugar.”

“My kids will never eat in front of the TV.”

“My kids will never eat fast food.”

“Fruit will be their dessert.”

“We will never go to Chuck E. Cheese.”

What’s that saying about the best laid plans?  Oh yeah, they often go awry.  Before you know it, your kids will be eating fast food, in front of the TV, with candy for dessert.  Just like you and I did as a child too.  And hey – we turned out okay, didn’t we?

On Discipline…

“I will never spank my child.”

“I will set clear expectations and communicate them to my children. They will understand because I’m a great communicator.”

“My child will never be disrespectful.”

“Time-outs are the most effective form of discipline.”

Just like each parent has their own discipline style, each child responds differently as well.  What works for your first kid might blow up in your face with your second, and you’ll soon find yourself just doing the best that you can!

On Bedtime…

“How on earth could it take someone longer than 30 minutes to put the kids to sleep?”

“We will read books every night, and our kids will probably be able to read by age 3.”

“My kids will not sleep in our bed.”

“We will not plan our life around nap times.”

There is only one guarantee when it comes to sleep — you will NEVER get enough after you have kids.

On Clothing…

“My daughter will never wear princess dresses.”

“Character clothes?  My children won’t ever be seen in those!”

“$35 for magnetic closure pajamas? Sounds perfectly reasonable to me!”

“We need at least 50 newborn onesies.”

“I will never put my toddler in [insert random article of clothing here].”

Newsflash…  Yes, you will.  Your child will wear all of those obnoxious character clothes and tacky outfits if it means you don’t have to endure a knock down drag out fight before running out of the house each morning.  In fact, you will purchase them willingly because you know it will help your day get off to a smoother start if you have a Princess Elsa dress or a Transformer shirt laid out for the next day’s attire.

On Toys…

“We will never have a playroom overrun with toys. There is a place for everything.”

“My child will only have wooden and educational toys.”

“Our garage and patio will never be littered with toys. Children don’t need that many anyways.”

Wait until after their first Christmas… And then their first birthday… And then every other random holiday where they have toys thrown at them left and right.  Next thing you know, you will have toys overflowing from the playroom and out into the hallway, master closet, half bathroom, and underneath the couch too.

On Babysitters…

“No one can care for my child like I can.”

“The babysitting instruction guide must be read and agreed to before we leave the house.”

“We have so many friends and family that will always want to watch our kids.”

“Please only use boogie wipes to wipe his nose and paci wipes to clean the pacifier.”

Hey, want to watch my kid?  Eventually, you will be so desperate to get out of the house and eat a warm meal sans little grubby fingers on your plate, that you will be begging relatives, friends, and neighbors to help out so you can get a quick little break.  No contracts needed.

On Traveling…

“We will still travel just as much after the baby comes.”

“Traveling with babies is easy.”

“It will be so much fun to take my kids with me on vacation.”

No.  Just no.  Your vacation time will soon be used primarily on sick days {for the kids – not you}, and when you do decide to pack up and get out of town – you will wonder what in the world you were thinking before you even get the suitcases loaded in the car.

On Screen Time…

“My child won’t watch TV before age two.”

“Why would a two-year-old need his own iPad?”

“I’ll never let my child play with my iPhone.”

Yes, you will.  And you won’t feel even a smidgen of guilt because that little gift called technology will provide you the opportunity to get a basket of laundry folded or a sink of dishes washed without someone {literally} climbing all over you in the process.

On Behavior…

“I will never let my kid act like that in public.”

“My child won’t need choices; they will get what I give them and be happy about it.”

“I’ll never let my son pee outside.”

“I’ll never let my kids run around naked through the sprinklers.”

“My child will listen to me.”

Just wait until you hit the terrible twos and threenager stages.  Then, let’s talk.  Okay?

This list is just the tip of the iceberg on some of the silly things I said before I became a mom. What about you? What are some things you said you’d never do that you find yourself doing anyway?

Stuff First Time Moms Say

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Mandy is a former Army brat born and raised in the great state of Texas. She has an undergraduate degree in Business Management and a Master’s degree in Business Finance from Texas Tech University; she currently works as a Tax Accountant in Downtown Houston. In 2005 Mandy met her husband Travis while visiting her parents in Virginia. He took her breath away and followed her back to Texas as quickly as he could. Travis and Mandy shared seven adventurous years of married life before bringing their daughters into the world, Amelia {July 2013} and Evelyn {Sept 2015}. Mandy loves Jesus, country music, Instagram, the sunshine and all things water -- the beach is her happy place. She writes about her experiences as a working wife and mother at Letters to Amelia. Follow along in Mandy's daily life on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

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