49 Things Nobody Told You About Motherhood

I know that I’m not the only person who wasn’t fully prepared for the job of motherhood.  The morning sickness lasting all day?  That was kind of a shock to me.  Because it is clearly called ::morning:: sickness.  I was visibly upset when I would get full two bites into a meal.  I was expecting the joy of “eating for two.”  Wrong.  I was fortunate enough to join TheBump and “meet” a vast variety of women going through the same thing in a different way.  We shared what was going on and were able to make it through the journey together.  It takes a village to raise a child…and to write a blog post.

I decided to reach out to my fantastic network of moms and ask what nobody talks about or failed to tell them before becoming a mother.  And this is what we came up with…

:: Pregnancy & Delivery ::

Congratulations.  You are knocked up/with child/expecting.  But were you expecting this…

• you might not get the “glow” – it’s possible
• your nipples might leak, and not exactly how you think they would
• everybody poops…on the delivery table
• after a while you just do not care who is in the room, as long as they are getting that baby out of you
• birth plan? yeah just get this baby out of me please. NOW!
• the mesh panties at the hospital are a.ma.zing
• you will bleed…for weeks…no matter how that baby made it’s entrance into the world
• pre-pregnancy weight is a myth. even if the scale shows what you weighed before, odds are your body just ain’t the same
• don’t expect your bladder control to just magically fix itself
• you might almost pass out in Target three weeks after delivery because you overestimated your post-partum ability level.  {Was that just me? I missed Target so badly.}

:: Infants ::

Awww.  You are now the proud owner of a tiny human being.  Exciting, except…

• it is possible to experience love at first sight
• it is also possible to not have an instant bond
• yes, they will actually send you home with a baby and expect you to care for it – crazy hospitals
• suddenly, your once capable partner can no longer make decisions on their own accord {like picking out a onesie or knowing how many wipes to use}
• you learn what can be accomplished on only a few interrupted hours of sleep
• you cannot withdraw all of that time people suggested you “sleep now before the baby comes” – where IS that mythical sleep bank?!
• it’s amazing how obsessed you are over someone else’s poop
• you are an amazing mom – your gut knows just what to do with that new person!
• breastfeeding is hard work – it’s draining and difficult and might not be the solution for you…
• …or you might surprise yourself and be breastfeeding long after the first birthday
• you will look at the little person in front of you and well up with tears…a lot
• it’s normal to hover over your child and watch them sleep
• an uninterrupted five-minute shower can feel like a spa day

:: Toddlers & Preschoolers ::

Hooray! You’re to the walking and talking stage of life.  It’s great until…

• suddenly that baby you wanted became a human being with thoughts and opinions…and will voice them loudly, even with their limited vocabulary
• you still don’t get a consistent full night’s sleep
• kids are not automatically potty trained on their 2nd {or 3rd} birthday
• cartoon theme songs are incredibly catchy – you will love to sing them…in your car…alone…
• you are not above handing a cashier an empty pack of goldfish because you had to stop mid grocery trip to stop a meltdown from the kid {…or yourself}
• mom hands catch all sorts of bodily fluids
• you will celebrate their first everything!
• nobody cares about your kid’s nap schedule
• a quiet child is a child that probably just drew all over the walls
• you WILL lie to your toddler – if you didn’t tell them “the ice cream truck plays music when they are out of ice cream” you’d be broke and fat
• I was going to type something else…but I forgot – that will happen all. the. time.

:: School Age ::

Yay! Self-sufficient children that will let you take a shower in peace.  Sometimes.  But then you have to deal with…

• extra curricular activities will CONSUME your life
• science fair – you have to remember how to science fair.  the night before the science fair.
• even if your kid is in public school, you will pretty much need to take out a second mortgage to cover PTA dues, and t-shirts, and fundraisers, and…
• elementary school math never used to be this hard
• despite bedtime being easier, you will still have the urge to watch the rising and falling of your child’s chest

:: Tweens & Teens ::

Sass.  You were ready for that.  You knew it would be bad when the kid was 3 and had a ‘tude.  But then they turn 12 and…

• it will be hard to tell if your tween suddenly turned 3 years old again with the tantrums
• you should have spent more time honing your private detective skills
• horror movies have nothing on the fear of letting your child loose behind the wheel
• you are now awake at night making sure your child is home, alone, and studying
• college pressure is unlike anything you have experienced

:: Adult Children ::

Yay! You made it to 18ish and your kid {eventually} moved out {and probably back in and then out again}, but you were ready for that!  Parents talk about this day the moment they learn they’re going to be parents!  And besides, you’ve made it this far.  You know your kid.  But did you know…

• everything you taught them goes out the window
• despite your attempts, you’re never ready for them to be grown ups on their own
  
• try to avoid them on social media because it can get awkward
• grandparenting is a totally different experience – you get to spoil them because you don’t have to deal with the day-to-day disciplining {and you’re full of energy because you finally get to sleep at night!}
• it is an absolutely awesome journey – it’s not always fun, but it is so very worth it!

Thanks to my March 2011 Bumpies, the HMB Team, and all the moms that I know for their input.  I KNOW you have something to add to this post, so we are leaving number 50 and up to you though!  Share your surprising mom facts in the comments below…