Ugh, it’s so frustrating to feel like you just can’t MOM well enough. The day you managed to get in a morning workout is the day you notice the mom in line at Starbucks with cute workout leggings and her adorable matching toddler. You don’t even know if she got an actual workout in or is just rocking that athleisure look for fun, but you assume she MUST be momming better. And then, all of a sudden, in your mind, that early workout doesn’t even count.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
No wonder so many of us moms are struggling hard with life right now. We try to avoid the comparison game, but we do it anyway. And then we try to not be jealous of other moms who have it “together.” So much of our energy is spent judging and assuming that we’re so much worse than every other mom — that we miss all the things we’re actually doing well.
Seriously, some days it just feels like EVERY OTHER MOM is momming better than you. But I need to tell you, Mama, you are doing WAY better than you think.
Sometimes it takes a mom to tell another mom, “You’re actually doing alright.”
And of course, because the voice in our heads is usually louder than the voice of the nice mom who wants to encourage us, let me say it again:
Mama :: I see you struggling hard with life right now. But you just don’t see how AMAZING you really are. So let me help point it out. Because you really are rocking this thing.
You remember that letter from the teacher about your kid? You may have assumed that you were the only one who got it. First of all, you’re not. But look at you! Maybe no one had noticed that you were just Googling “How to help with 3rd grade math.” And didn’t you research books and podcasts about negotiating, so you can figure out a flex work arrangement to try to be at more class parties? Look at you, momma! You don’t just see your child’s struggle and feel bad about it. You’re DOING things to help. You’re rocking this momming thing.
And did you notice that husband who seems to always send your mom friend flowers, chocolates and notes? They always seem to be going on dates. Meanwhile, you’re hoping the counseling sessions will help your own situation. But just look at you, girl! Those sometimes awkward minutes in that counseling office are an investment. You might not see it now, but, regardless of the outcome, you know you’ll come out stronger mentally and emotionally. You are one committed wife, and that makes you sexy and strong, even if your hubby isn’t noticing … yet.
Wait a second … don’t tell me you binge-watched Marie Kondo on Netflix and stayed up too late, reorganizing ONE little drawer in your room. Are you kidding? That’s fantastic! Look at you, trying to be a more organized mom! And you even made progress!
Or what if — don’t tell me — your in-laws came over, spoiled your kids, added the cutest decorative pillows to your couch and fawned all over their precious only son {your husband}, leaving you feeling left out and like you’re a few notches lower than a good mom? Well, let me tell you something. You know that hunky only son who swept you off your feet? And those grandkids who are doing just fine, thank you? That’s all in part because of how you take care of them.
Every time you slay the laundry dragon, load the dishwasher, throw frozen chicken into the Instant Pot, pull out the vacuum, hug, kiss, work late and try to be all “hot wife” every now and then, let me tell you — every single one of those moments count. All of that effort matters. So what if you didn’t do it perfectly. Who cares? None of us are perfect! And aren’t you super hard on yourself because you wish you could do more? Exactly. You are freaking AMAZING at this momming business, even {and especially when} it goes unnoticed.
But what about that time you wished so hard you could go unnoticed, but EVERYONE couldn’t help but notice that YOU were the mom with the crying baby on the airplane?
I was on a flight a few weeks ago and “that mom” was sitting behind me. I wanted to turn around and say … Momma, it’s ok! I’ve been there before! At one point, the baby climbed up on my seat and we smiled at each other. He was so cute! I honestly just wanted to reassure that momma, and you reading this, that my babies have cried on flights, too. And pretty much every other mom {and many dads} on that flight probably felt at least a little compassion and empathy more than anything else because they’ve been there, too.
On a plane or at home, when you can’t get your baby to stop crying after you fed them, changed their diapers, fixed their onesie, put on those cute fuzzy socks, then took them off because baby started fussing … that just means you’re like all of us moms who have been there so many times.
In fact, if you can cross off “flew with baby on airplane” from your momma list, GIRL! You are one superhero momma and we’re all giving you a standing ovation. That can be hard, but you survived! Momming is hard. But here you are. Momming even harder. You got this.
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It is not easy, some days are harder then others. I didn’t expect this side of mother hood to hit me. But this post speaks to me on so many levels. I have been trying to spend time on “me” in an effort towards self-care. A friend of mine recommended the book Defining You, by Fiona Murden. It has helped me define my strengths and in that helped with my self-confidence. I can’t put into words how important that has been for me. I would recommend this book to anyone. I read more about the author here, http://www.fionamurden.com. Hang in there Mama’s you are enough <3