Top 10 Reasons I’m Not Cool Enough for Pokemon Go

We have all been there.  That moment when after a crazy day of work, chef duties, referee duties, diaper duty, and bedtime, you finally find 10 minutes to check Facebook and feel like for a brief moment you are part of the adult world.  Then you realize that you have absolutely no idea what any of your friends are talking about…  “What the heck is a Squirtle, and why should I care if it is near the corner of Louisiana and Capital?!?”

Top 10 Reasons I'm Not Cool Enough for Pokemon Go | Houston Moms Blog

So here it is, the top 10 reasons I am absolutely not cool enough to start playing Pokemon Go!

  1. I already have to learn and remember ALL the characters from Finding Dory, Paw Patrol, and Team Umizoomi, so adding the names of a bunch of Pokemon like Skitty and Porygon simply isn’t happening.
  1. My toddler didn’t agree that the Pikachu down the street was important enough to put pants on and leave the house. And who are we kidding, momma already took her bra off anyway.
  1. Listen… My phone is already too full of Starbucks, Target, and Educational Apps, Wiggles Songs, and toddler selfies; I can’t even try to download something else. If I get the “You are low on memory” message and have to spend 20 minutes immediately deciding which adorable childhood videos are already on the cloud and can be deleted one more time, I might cry.
  1. If I can’t even train my 2.5 year-old how to pee on the potty, I am pretty sure I won’t be very good at “training” a Wartortle. {Or maybe he is just too scared to use the potty because there is a Rattata staring him down in our bathroom.  Who knows?}
  1. If I am gonna put on clothes and drag my butt to the “gym”, I don’t want to worry about losing anything but the extra 5 lbs I gained from drinking wine after bedtime every night this week.
  1. These days I can’t even find the energy to leave the house for groceries {thank goodness there is Instacart!}. If I can’t order Pokemon on Amazon Prime, I don’t need them in my life.
  1. Walking around with 3 kids in the 100+ weather makes me desperately hope that a Poliwhirl is a cold alcoholic beverage instead of a fictional character. Otherwise, I will just be disappointed.
  1. No matter how hard I try not to, I will always think a better use of technology would be helping me find the insane amount of lost socks hiding in my house, the “MONKEY SIPPY CUP!!!” that has been lost for at least a week which my little one is now demanding for his milk at dinner, or the homework assignments that never seem to make it home.
  1. If I am going to put in the effort to drive to the crowded mall and walk around searching for something while wrangling an angry child, you bet your bottom it is going to be some dress pants that actually fit me for work. I have been rocking the momma muffin top for far too long.
  1. Apparently, you can’t put a leash on your cat and use walking him as an excuse to find Pokemon around the neighborhood. I am not sure if the leashed cat or the phrase, “Would you mind if we captured the Diglett in your backyard?” would be more alarming to my neighbors.

Well, there you have it. ALL the reasons your momma friends might not be jumping on the Pokemon Go bandwagon just yet.  You love us anyway though, right?


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