February 13th: Galentine’s Day. Another cultural phenomenon that will take over our social feeds and targeted ads. Another day that will come and go and possibly make a lot of us feel like outsiders.
Outside of the circle, the tribe, the squad. Name it what you will, but the reality is that most of us don’t have gals. I mean, really, who has time for gals when we have kids and husbands and jobs and Netflix? A lot of us, no matter what season of life, have sorta found ourselves with some good friends, a few old friends, lots of acquaintances…but regular gal time, or a squad? Not so much.
It’s hard to keep up with a squad when you are raising your own tribe of toddlers to teens.
But it’s what we all want, isn’t it? A day to spend with gals who are besties, gals who know you, who like you, who come alongside you in this crazy life and encourage and cheer for you.
Friendships are important. Celebrating friendship on Galentine’s Day is something that we should all want to celebrate.
But…friendships are hard. Friendships are sometimes the last things we pour into because we are so squelched for time. It’s exhausting putting ourselves out there and starting over again and again. How do we make friends when our lives are composed of so many other things and getting in our pj’s or taking a bath is much more of a daily priority than time spent getting to know people. We settle for loneliness because seriously, how do we make friends as adults?
Let’s be honest, the girl I was in my 20’s isn’t exactly the girl I am now. And that is a good thing. But that also makes those old relationships different and more memorable, when what I need and want today is more moment-full friends. Friends in the memories of my now.
How do I make time for new friendships? How do I give the time these friendships need to grow? How do I even find my people? People who will accept me, my ideas, and my ideals. Women who will like my family and kids, who will invest in my life as much as I want to invest in theirs. I want people for every day, not just Galentine’s Day. I want people who will drop off the soup when we are sick and come over for a cup of coffee just because, or will be there when I just need someone.
How to find your Gals
1. Common Ground
You have lots of people in your circle, your common ground. People who you have been drawn to, people who have found you, people who in one conversation you know could be a kindred spirit. Invite them to get some coffee and start talking. Talk about life and kids, hardships, and all the things you have in common. Give people a chance to be one of your gals.
2. Keep inviting
People are busy. A lot of people don’t realize the need they have for community. You do…so you be the inviter. Yes, this can be exhausting and your feelings might get hurt if rejection happens more than you planned for. Drop those who aren’t interested and keep inviting. We don’t have time for a ton of people, so start small and stay small, because meaningful and moment-full occurs in the small.
3. Simple Meals
Invite people over for dinner. Sit at a table and talk. Keep it simple: a yummy salad, fruit and nuts and cheese, bread and wine. Connections happen across a table. Enjoy the time. These are the moments you are longing for.
4. Fireside chats
Something special happens around a fire. Maybe it’s the warmth or the huddling close, because when you gather around a fire, sweet friendships are made and deep conversations are had.
The trouble with friendships is that it takes time to go deep. It was easy to go deep in college because you had a lot of time and few distractions. In college, the fireside chats happened in cramped dorms and apartments, and on late-night study breaks filled with runs to the local coffee shop. You spent so many meals, so many trips to Target, so many hours binging shows together. The time was easy to find and the friendships seemed to lock into place real fast. It wasn’t fast though, the hours simply came consecutively, and now we have to build on the hours we have. That’s why fireside chats are important. You sit around and talk and before you know it, hours have passed and hearts have bonded.
5. Ask Questions
We don’t have the hours we did in college, so we have to go deep fast and intentionally. If you want just acquaintances, skip this part; but if you want your people, people who know you and are for you…you need to start asking questions.
What do you want from your friends? What do you need right now? What are you struggling with? What is bringing you joy? What are you looking forward to? What are you worrying about?
These questions will hurdle over the bull and hit the bullseye of friendship.
Yeah, you may have to get vulnerable. Yeah, you may have to be honest. But remember, we don’t have time for mundane friendships when we want meaningful and moment-full friendships.
On Galentine’s Day, jump all in, find your gals, have a meal, drink wine around a fire pit and make the kind of friends you have been waiting for.
Pin this post and be sure to follow
Houston Moms
on Pinterest!
