The Ache for Another Baby:: Coming to Terms with Waiting

August 2019 marks the month my son turns 1.5 years old. I dread this month because he will soon be approaching 2, then I know I’ll blink and he will be 5, then 10, then off to college. We constantly go back and forth; I want another baby right now, I want to wait, I want one now, I want to wait…

I am a millennial 

I am a millennial and proud of it. I want to point out that this is not a negative feature of who I am. I got to experience the rage of boy bands, the Spice Girls, glitter LipSmackers {y’all know what’s up}, and who could ever forget Harry Potter {Long live J.K. Rowling!}. We are somewhat of a studied creature. The Washington Post and Investopedia dive into why we aren’t buying homes. US News Travel has labeled millennials as having “wanderlust”.

It seems that in my personal experience, us millennials seem to be in the age of “want”. We want more degrees, we want more sightseeing, we just simply want more and more. I am not an exception to this observation. I ask myself this so many times. “When will I, if I don’t right now?” and its a bit of a tug-o-war with my heart. It goes both ways. If I don’t have another baby now, then when? If I don’t decide to do x, then when? I didn’t get to have a wedding since I got pregnant while planning a wedding. My son was not planned and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I would have just been scared to take the leap as I was while I was engaged for over 4 years {my poor patient husband} because I had so much I wanted to accomplish. Why? because I am a millennial.  I don’t have some magical story about when I knew I wanted to be a mom. I realize now that the world will always be here for me to see, but only a limited time of summer nights to go get ice cream with these 2. 

The Ache for Another Baby:: Coming to Terms with Waiting | Houston Moms Blog

Nothing like a storm of giggles

I am jealous. I’m not even going to lie. I hear siblings playing together and as an only child, I desperately want that for my son. I want him to crack up and be engulfed in having a blast with someone only he shares that bond with too. I want to him to have memories of watching morning cartoons and with someone other than me. There is truly nothing like a storm of giggles. You know the kind, it’s like a bunch of thunder crashing together and you don’t know where it’s coming from. It’s that crunchy laughter full of teeth and rosy cheeks. The kind only kids can give us. I daydream of a house full of these moments. I am jealous and happy for my friends who do have more than one. The matching outfits, the playfulness, the conversations between the two…The Ache for Another Baby:: Coming to Terms with Waiting

Coming to terms with waiting

As much as I miss the baby cuddles, the nursing moments, and want all of the above, I have come to terms that for my particular situation and my family, waiting on another baby is the best option. It is disheartening that in the back of my mind, I feel I am robbing my son of the sibling bonding experience. Maybe I am overthinking it because I crave sibling love. In my adulthood, I have made up for it through friends of all genders, multiple BFFs, and my life feels full. I can only pray that I give him the tools to cope with whatever life gives him. If not having a sibling before turning 5 years old is the biggest of his problems, then I would think I did an OK job raising this kid. For now, we stopped stressing the questions of “If we have more, how can we afford to…” or “If we have another, when will I be able to…” We have come to terms with snuggling one kid, doing laundry for 1 toddler who needs to change clothes constantly, and paying for one childcare bill.

So here I am, feeling selfish and still not 100% with my decision to wait on having another baby. I don’t think that as a parent, we ever are 100% about any decision until much after the fact. I focus on making myself the best mother and our lives the best we could possibly have. I focus on my studies, my child’s development, and I focus on just the 3 of us, because {fingers crossed} one day it won’t only be the 3 of us. 

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Cindy L. was raised in Houston, Texas since she was 3 years old. After obtaining her bachelor’s degree in communications from The University of Houston, she went into the commercial real estate industry and has been happily analyzing market trends since. Cindy and her husband reside in northwest Houston with their son, Raymond IV {February 2018}. They enjoy browsing through farmers/artisan markets looking for delicious salsas, hand poured soy candles, and other unique trinkets. They also regularly stroll through the various beautiful parks that Houston has to offer. Cindy relaxes at night by submerging into a fantasy/sci-fi novel, knitting hats, crocheting tiny animals, and {most recently} learning how to sew her son’s clothes. She is a self-proclaimed foodie and wannabe chef. Her goals going forward are to write often and take more vacations with her family. You can follow Cindy on Instagram :: tindycruong and read about her trying to navigate through life on her blog Life So Flowery.


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