This is a story about sex, well, more about not having sex. After giving birth to my duo, sex was the furthest thing from my mind, actually, both of our minds. My libido was nonexistent, and sex immediately became one of those faraway ideas, something that existed a day back when. . . when there wasn’t Baby A and Baby B demanding round-the-clock attention.
For the first several months I felt like an animal, useful only for food and comfort. My husband on the other hand struggled with the lack of sleep. As a consequence of twins, we were both on the night shift. Therefore, sex was pushed further and further down on the priority list.
I’m not sure when it occurred to me or my husband that we hadn’t had sex. It wasn’t just the logistics of two babies keeping us from sex. I realized I didn’t even have the desire for anything intimate. When the topic of birth control came up during doctors visits, I easily said, “abstinence”. There was no need for any birth control because we already had two very reliable types, Baby A and Baby B.
During check-ups with my ob-gyn and primary doctor, I mentioned this complaint of the lack of desire. Without missing a beat, after confirming I was still breastfeeding, they matter-of-factly told me everything was okay. No blood tests, no discussion, just a nod to my experience. “Ummm. . . I have zero sex drive, nothing, nada. I need a better answer than that,” I thought.
Oh. . . the consequences of pregnancy. I knew about the tiredness, not eating or taking a shower. It would have been nice to know that a completely absent sex drive was a potential consequence as well.
Appreciably, this ‘problem,’ wasn’t a problem for the first several months. We were always so tired, and the absence of a good night’s sleep and a non-existent sex drive worked hand-in-hand to push off sex for a good bit of time.
However, my husband and I realized around the nine-month period it wasn’t happening.
Doggedly Baby A and Baby B were doing their best to keep any coupling from happening. However, coupling is a must. It’s certainly a must for us. BK {Before kids} sex wasn’t a problem. In fact, it was the exact opposite of a problem. So as the haze of our early months of parenthood began to wear off, we knew no sex and the lack of a sex drive was a problem.
I realized I couldn’t solve the sex drive issue. I improvised and simply pushed myself in these moments of intimacy. I knew in my head I would thank myself later. My head had to lead where in the past, it was other parts of my body that led the way.
These consequences of pregnancy are no joke! My feet got bigger, my breasts changed, and my sex drive changed. Thankfully, this consequence of pregnancy left no long-term impacts to me or my marriage. Thank goodness for an understanding husband. Our sex life is now better but not the same as BK. This once again is the lesson. Kids change a lot in our lives. The adjustment may take days, months, or years. It all requires patience and understanding. Things may not look or feel the same as they once did. I remember that I’m not the same woman as I was before my children. I work hard to appreciate the woman I am today.
